Losing Your Memory
by Rosalia Virus
Summary: Shortly after season seven episode two, Dean and Sam are held up at Bobby's. Dean, not being able to sleep because of dreams of Castiel he goes out to release some steam.


A/N: The theme of this one-shot came from the song Losing your Memory, and hence the title-I felt like it would fit more after watching season seven episode seventeen I believe or so? When Castiel really has forgotten everything.

* * *

"_I'm sorry, Dean"_

Dean jumped awake, the sweat pouring down his brow, his breath panting. His heart beat was rocketing, blood pulsing in his veins, his ringing.

Bobby's dark living room was dark and still, not even a sound from the junkyard outside. The moon showed dim through the curtains, struggling to brighten up the messy room. This room was like home to the boys, to Dean, a place they could always come back too, a home they had: and they never really knew that about this place.

Cold hands brushed through think, damp hair. "I'm sorry, Dean." Those words echoed in his head: Castiel's final words to him…. How regrettable he looked, how truly sorry he was.

_It doesn't change the fact that he betrayed me_…. he had trusted Castiel, believed in him when Sam and Bobby were thinking ill of him—Dean wished so much that Castiel hadn't treated him like that, thrown him in the back seat and controlled the situation.

"_Dean, it's not broken!" _

Dean shook his head, knocking the sound of that voice leaving him. He couldn't stand to hear it now, such a haunting voice. A voice of a friend, but not a cruel man…. And he had dared to call himself an angel.

"I just need some air," he muttered to himself: like there was anyone else in the room to listen. Creaking boards followed him as he grabbed a beer, before heading into the cold sky.

Baby was sitting there in the cold night—if bobby's place was their stable home, then Baby was their home on the road. Baby had been through so much, everything Dean had been through: watching Sam jump into the Cage, that car crash with their father, and then all those times as kids…. Baby meant so much to Dean himself, being a gift from his father as well.

Dean opened the trunk, his beer sitting on the roof of the Impala. There was something so important in that trunk, not the weapons and monster hunting equipment, but a trench coat.

"_Dean and I do share a more profound bond_"

Castiel was his friend, more then friends at one point: family. He wasn't like bobby though, there was always something different about Cas that Dean could never put his finger on….

"_I'm doing this for you Dean. I'm doing it because of you._"

"You stupid little baby…" he muttered. His fingers ran over the soft fabric, memories flooding back to him when they first met, the night he tried to get Cas laid, even when Cas stood up to his brothers—"_Hey, assbutt!_"—a chuckle escaped him. That freaking angel had done so much for him, died for him, even given up everything he had just to help him. Bobby was right: Castiel was one of his dearest friends, and he had lost him for such stupid reasons….

"_I feel regret, about you and what I did to Sam…_"

"You son of a bitch…" Dean clenched his teeth. Castiel had looked so pathetic, an angel feeling regret, something _so_ human. Those final conversations he had with him, something in him wanted to go back and change them, even going as far as forgiving Cas…

"_Where were you when I needed to hear it?_"

But he couldn't: Castiel hadn't wanted their help: that's what family did, what friends did, they went to eachother for help, not some demon for another solution! Couldn't Castiel have trusted them—or at least Dean, after all they went through and been together….

"_I'm going to find a way to redeem myself to you._"

Dean's hand clenched the fabric. His teeth almost grinding against eachother. "You stupid angel, you…! How could you even think…!" There was never no need for Cas to redeem himself to Dean: he would always be there for Cas, a part of him would be, the part of him that couldn't get rid of Castiel's trademark trench coat.

"_Dean, they're so strong! Run!_"

"God dammit, Castiel!" Dean shouted, in anger, in pain, in frustration. The nearest car, a blue four door, window shattered the sound echoing in the starry night sky. "If you had just come to me before, screw fucking Crowley, none of this would have happened!" The sounds of his shouting and beatings on this already dented car. It had been all Cas's fault, everything: Sam's head, the Leviathan…. And Dean's pain, especially Dean's pain.

"Do you honestly think you could have handled all of this! You're a freaking child, you know that! A dumb child! And look what your mess has down now! We're stuck here cleaning it up, because you had to go and die on me! How do you think I feel about this!" Castiel never thought to even talk to Dean about this, about anything going on in his head.

"What was I to you!" One last shout, one last window shattered. Dean was left there alone again, like always, no one hearing his screams of anguish, of pain and anger. It was always like this: he could only open up to himself, at one point he thought he could open up to Castiel, about everything going on in his head…. But now, because of that bastard, he couldn't bring himself to trust much of anyone….

Some friend Castiel has turned out to be.

The trench coat had fallen out of its place on to the gravel ground, Dean's green eyes stared at it for a few seconds, good memories of Cas filling his head all over again. Dean hated him so much, yet he was so close to Castiel, it hurt more then he ever thought something like this could hurt.

He snatched the coat up, dusting it clean, before he just held it close to him. "You stupid child, Cas… I don't think I can forgive you, but I…just want you to come back: I miss you…."

"Dean?" Sam's voice rang out from the house, snapping Dean back to reality.

* * *

It hadn't been more then a few months since that night. Since then Dean had been a little relived about Cas, but he could never shake off what Castiel had done to him, betraying him, but he couldn't bring himself to fully hate him, deep down Dean knew he was special to him.

It was Sam and Dean riding in some shitty car, Baby having to be locked away till things settled down again—for the third or so time. They were heading back to Bobby's now, to check in on him, to surprise him, and to get some rest. Could always count on Bobby if you needed a place to say, if you were a Winchester.

Dean was in the moment, listening to a favorite song, not even bothering to pay attention to the road ahead of them: it was a straight shoot to Bobby's on this road.

"Dean! Stop the car! Stop!" Sam shouted scaring Dean.

"What the hell, man!" Dean yelled at him, turning the car off. "What's you're deal!"

"Dean, look…" Sammy was pointing towards the road in front of them.

Dean couldn't believe his eyes…. After all these months…. He could never forget that confused look, those blue eyes, the way he stood, and walked…. Even his hair…. Even without no clothes on, he knew who he was.

"Cas…?" Dean's heart was pumping, that ringing in his ears. Castiel? But he was dead… how… this wasn't a dream right? His eyes playing tricks on him—right? Too much drinking?

He was first out of the car, before Sam, rushing towards Cas, getting his hopes up. After everything Castiel went though, he was somehow still alive….

"Cas! You're alive! How great I am too see you, man!" Dean shouted, such a lighter tone to his voice then normal.

But the blue eyed angel just looked at him dazed and confused: more confused then normal….

"Castiel?" Dean said again, worry to that voice.

"Castiel…?" The man repeated such a questionable and confused tone to a familiar voice.

"I'm sorry, but do I know you?"


End file.
